Week 3 - Welcome to Adulthood

In the past 3 days I've been at a constant tipping point. Typically, it's at one of these points when I write because emotionally I've very expressive. What has happened lately is the realization of real life: Welcome to Adulthood Morgan is what has been the headline...or headache.

My bike got stolen along with my lock and helmet. I've been waiting to hear back with jobs. I have rent now, groceries now, and laundry. I have to buy new running shoes before I get injured. I buy my own contacts now but want to start only wearing glasses because they are so expensive! I still haven't registered for a race that I'm doing with people next month. I'm still adjusting to my position at my internship and my schedule has been so chalked full!

So if you have read my blog over the past couple years, you'll realize that reflecting is my way of moving on and sealing what I have learned. Adulthood has knocked me on my backside these first 3 weeks of my gap year. Fortunately, I'm really happy I'm learning these realities of life now and not when I'm out of college. So, here are some of my lessons from the school of Hard knocks:

1.) I will admit, I am an invert. An outgoing introvert that is. I love people. Love them. In fact I get lonely and even depressed not being around them enough but if I get too much of them all I want to do is crawl into a hole and be by myself for a while. Living in a house of 20-something people made me realize how important having time to myself to reflect, to be quiet, and be still is. My time with God is so important and when I don't get that I drain out and don't have anything to give...and I break down in tears.

2.) Communication can't be underestimated. Whether it's to a spouse, boyfriend, or roommates. Your day, week, or you yourself doesn't always have to be "good". Some days are just crappy. Communicating feelings of being overwhelmed is important to do. Watch your tone of voice, especially ladies because even if you mean no harm in what you say your tone can communicate otherwise. I've also learned that in finding space for yourself is important too. I can't say yes all the times but need to be honest with times, meeting, and availability. I'm still learning these things, so please give me grace. 

3.) There's a difference in living for each day v.s. being circumstantial. As a Christian and to other Christians reading this, we are called to be content in every situation (Philippians 4).Yep, life sucks sometimes but I will tell you how blessed and thankful I am to have known Christ at a young age. I am so thankful that whether in plenty or without anything- Christ is always with me. This world is depressing. People are constantly unsatisfied with coffee, traffic, busses, time, work, their bodies, situations, people, relationships, life stages ect. I do this too, we all have our struggles. 

In Ecclesiastes 12:1 it says to "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, 'I have no delight in them." In another translation it says not to let the excitement of your youth cause you forget your Creator. 

I have things good. I say this not to be boastful but because in the midst of both hard situations and times of joy we are called to remember our Creator and all he has done for us. I have a great family to go home too, a wonderful endearing boyfriend, I have a job, a community that supports me, a room, food, blankets, a laptop, toothpaste, glasses, clothing, even an extra bike. I am truly blessed. 

So my encouragement to you today is to remember your Creator. He hasn't forgotten you and if you seek him you will find him if you seek him with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13).

"For this reason we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people."- 1 Timothy 4:10

Gap Year- Week 1

Dear Friends and family,

As some of you may have already heard, I am not doing YWAM. Typically, I'm the type of person who likes to have my ducks in a row, but everyday I'm learning that I cannot trust myself with my life details, but instead I am learning to trust God. 

Let’s backtrack to the beginning of July; I met with one of my professors from last year for some coffee. Paul Hurkman, who I dearly admire, told me that because of my love of biking and running and my heart for social justice, I should consider being a part of Venture Expeditions . After that conversation, something felt uneasy about YWAM, yet I couldn't identify why. 

That night I spent praying about Venture and YWAM. As much as I wanted to go to YWAM, there was something about Venture that just made sense. When reading my Bible that night I came across 1 Timothy 4:13-16, " Do not neglect the gift which was given to you. Practice these things, devote yourself to them to see progress." 

It was like it clicked, why wouldn't I be apart of Venture? I love to bike, love running, I love people, pursuing justice, and most of all I love Jesus and living for him.  

I realize that I was the one James was calling out in the Bible, "Come, now all you who say ' today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' yet, you do not know what tomorrow will bring."

The following morning I emailed Paul. I told him Venture was the direction I felt I needed to take. No less than an hour later, YWAM emailed me to say that they were extending their outreach in Costa Rica to also go to help with the World Cup. No offense to all the soccer players but I hate soccer. In the end of the email that YWAM sent me, they told me that they were praying that I would know if this was something I should do, and if not, that God would provide something in place of it. I knew then that YWAM was not where I was going. 

I spent the next month in limbo. Paul was gone and so I wasn't able to nail down any details with Venture. I wanted to move out since I was staying in MPLS, but I didn't know where that would be. I quit my job because it was an unhealthy environment yet I didn't have any other places yet lined up to work. Thus, the entire month of August was spent not having any knowledge for the next year. In fact, James was right, I didn't know what tomorrow would bring. 

Daily I had to surrender that fact to God, knowing that He has my best interest in mind. Most days I felt confident, knowing that God had the details worked out even if I didn't.  But there were a lot of days where I became frustrated, impatient, and down.  

In the end of August, I went to a middle school camp with my church as a counselor. It was around this time when most of the kids my age were beginning to pack up their cars for college. The theme for camp was from 1 Peter 2:11, "I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world..." and ironically that was exactly how I felt, like an alien. 

Middle school, I realized, was a really awkward time and this verse really pertains to them. However, the theme for the week stuck with me just as much as it did with our kids. The speaker was awesome and took a lot of pride in who she was as a person- she was strong physically, bubbly, loud, cooky, and odd- because that was how God made her. She said, "We may not fit the mold, but we should be exactly who God created us to be." 

There are three main things we put our values in: Performance, Relationships, and Appearance. We get critiqued and graded our whole lives. We do our best to please others. We are busy and doing things and for some of us, we find that our titles, grades, time spent, achievements, and status defines us. For others, the friends and people we surround ourselves with is where we find our acceptance of ourselves. God created us to be in relationships with people but Christ should be our focus. And for many of us, our appearance can sometimes take over our identity. 

We will all come to a point were we discover that this life is meaningless. More and more everyday, I realize that with out Christ I have nothing to live for. This world has nothing for me. We will never be the best, people will always fail us, and our bodies will get old and in all reality, eventually our bodies will pass away and get buried in the ground. No one will care if you were an honor’s student or wore a size 4 after having twins...ect. 

It was in realizing this I became content in living each day that God gives me. That God created us to live a life of love for people, not of things or titles. There is freedom in knowing that when we fix our eyes on seeking God, he will lead us where he wants us. And for me, that meant going against what the normal 18 year old does. 

No less than a week or so after coming to this realization, it all fell into place. Paul was back and now I'm an intern (extern for legal reasons) and I'm loving it. I've never been so energized by something other than Bible Studies and cross country/running/skiing/biking related things. I think I may have found my nitch. That same week I moved into Bordertown/KPA with my friend Emily. So I am living in this house with responsibilities, chores, groceries, and rent... stepping into adulthood. And I still don't have a “job” but God has been so faithful and has provided countless babysitting, nannying, concession, painting, odd jobs; which pay my bills and keep me very content for now. 

So the moral of this story is this: 

 1.) If you plan to follow Christ with your life, don't plan out life long details. He will just go in and change it...yet it will be 10x more intended for you than what you could ever dream. 

2.) I think God is the original founder of Viva la Vida, Yolo, or carpe diem. (Psalms 90:12) (Ephesians 5:16)

3.) God is crazy awesome and He wants you to be you and to live your life in the position he has made for you.

With this gap year I would love feedback!

Did you regret going straight to college? Do you wish you had taken a gap year? How is your major influencing what you are doing now? Did you follow God down a path that you never expected could happen? What advice would you give to your 18-year-old self? Feel free to give me your feedback. I’d love it.