Gap Year- Week 1

Dear Friends and family,

As some of you may have already heard, I am not doing YWAM. Typically, I'm the type of person who likes to have my ducks in a row, but everyday I'm learning that I cannot trust myself with my life details, but instead I am learning to trust God. 

Let’s backtrack to the beginning of July; I met with one of my professors from last year for some coffee. Paul Hurkman, who I dearly admire, told me that because of my love of biking and running and my heart for social justice, I should consider being a part of Venture Expeditions . After that conversation, something felt uneasy about YWAM, yet I couldn't identify why. 

That night I spent praying about Venture and YWAM. As much as I wanted to go to YWAM, there was something about Venture that just made sense. When reading my Bible that night I came across 1 Timothy 4:13-16, " Do not neglect the gift which was given to you. Practice these things, devote yourself to them to see progress." 

It was like it clicked, why wouldn't I be apart of Venture? I love to bike, love running, I love people, pursuing justice, and most of all I love Jesus and living for him.  

I realize that I was the one James was calling out in the Bible, "Come, now all you who say ' today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' yet, you do not know what tomorrow will bring."

The following morning I emailed Paul. I told him Venture was the direction I felt I needed to take. No less than an hour later, YWAM emailed me to say that they were extending their outreach in Costa Rica to also go to help with the World Cup. No offense to all the soccer players but I hate soccer. In the end of the email that YWAM sent me, they told me that they were praying that I would know if this was something I should do, and if not, that God would provide something in place of it. I knew then that YWAM was not where I was going. 

I spent the next month in limbo. Paul was gone and so I wasn't able to nail down any details with Venture. I wanted to move out since I was staying in MPLS, but I didn't know where that would be. I quit my job because it was an unhealthy environment yet I didn't have any other places yet lined up to work. Thus, the entire month of August was spent not having any knowledge for the next year. In fact, James was right, I didn't know what tomorrow would bring. 

Daily I had to surrender that fact to God, knowing that He has my best interest in mind. Most days I felt confident, knowing that God had the details worked out even if I didn't.  But there were a lot of days where I became frustrated, impatient, and down.  

In the end of August, I went to a middle school camp with my church as a counselor. It was around this time when most of the kids my age were beginning to pack up their cars for college. The theme for camp was from 1 Peter 2:11, "I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world..." and ironically that was exactly how I felt, like an alien. 

Middle school, I realized, was a really awkward time and this verse really pertains to them. However, the theme for the week stuck with me just as much as it did with our kids. The speaker was awesome and took a lot of pride in who she was as a person- she was strong physically, bubbly, loud, cooky, and odd- because that was how God made her. She said, "We may not fit the mold, but we should be exactly who God created us to be." 

There are three main things we put our values in: Performance, Relationships, and Appearance. We get critiqued and graded our whole lives. We do our best to please others. We are busy and doing things and for some of us, we find that our titles, grades, time spent, achievements, and status defines us. For others, the friends and people we surround ourselves with is where we find our acceptance of ourselves. God created us to be in relationships with people but Christ should be our focus. And for many of us, our appearance can sometimes take over our identity. 

We will all come to a point were we discover that this life is meaningless. More and more everyday, I realize that with out Christ I have nothing to live for. This world has nothing for me. We will never be the best, people will always fail us, and our bodies will get old and in all reality, eventually our bodies will pass away and get buried in the ground. No one will care if you were an honor’s student or wore a size 4 after having twins...ect. 

It was in realizing this I became content in living each day that God gives me. That God created us to live a life of love for people, not of things or titles. There is freedom in knowing that when we fix our eyes on seeking God, he will lead us where he wants us. And for me, that meant going against what the normal 18 year old does. 

No less than a week or so after coming to this realization, it all fell into place. Paul was back and now I'm an intern (extern for legal reasons) and I'm loving it. I've never been so energized by something other than Bible Studies and cross country/running/skiing/biking related things. I think I may have found my nitch. That same week I moved into Bordertown/KPA with my friend Emily. So I am living in this house with responsibilities, chores, groceries, and rent... stepping into adulthood. And I still don't have a “job” but God has been so faithful and has provided countless babysitting, nannying, concession, painting, odd jobs; which pay my bills and keep me very content for now. 

So the moral of this story is this: 

 1.) If you plan to follow Christ with your life, don't plan out life long details. He will just go in and change it...yet it will be 10x more intended for you than what you could ever dream. 

2.) I think God is the original founder of Viva la Vida, Yolo, or carpe diem. (Psalms 90:12) (Ephesians 5:16)

3.) God is crazy awesome and He wants you to be you and to live your life in the position he has made for you.

With this gap year I would love feedback!

Did you regret going straight to college? Do you wish you had taken a gap year? How is your major influencing what you are doing now? Did you follow God down a path that you never expected could happen? What advice would you give to your 18-year-old self? Feel free to give me your feedback. I’d love it.