Week 3 - Welcome to Adulthood

In the past 3 days I've been at a constant tipping point. Typically, it's at one of these points when I write because emotionally I've very expressive. What has happened lately is the realization of real life: Welcome to Adulthood Morgan is what has been the headline...or headache.

My bike got stolen along with my lock and helmet. I've been waiting to hear back with jobs. I have rent now, groceries now, and laundry. I have to buy new running shoes before I get injured. I buy my own contacts now but want to start only wearing glasses because they are so expensive! I still haven't registered for a race that I'm doing with people next month. I'm still adjusting to my position at my internship and my schedule has been so chalked full!

So if you have read my blog over the past couple years, you'll realize that reflecting is my way of moving on and sealing what I have learned. Adulthood has knocked me on my backside these first 3 weeks of my gap year. Fortunately, I'm really happy I'm learning these realities of life now and not when I'm out of college. So, here are some of my lessons from the school of Hard knocks:

1.) I will admit, I am an invert. An outgoing introvert that is. I love people. Love them. In fact I get lonely and even depressed not being around them enough but if I get too much of them all I want to do is crawl into a hole and be by myself for a while. Living in a house of 20-something people made me realize how important having time to myself to reflect, to be quiet, and be still is. My time with God is so important and when I don't get that I drain out and don't have anything to give...and I break down in tears.

2.) Communication can't be underestimated. Whether it's to a spouse, boyfriend, or roommates. Your day, week, or you yourself doesn't always have to be "good". Some days are just crappy. Communicating feelings of being overwhelmed is important to do. Watch your tone of voice, especially ladies because even if you mean no harm in what you say your tone can communicate otherwise. I've also learned that in finding space for yourself is important too. I can't say yes all the times but need to be honest with times, meeting, and availability. I'm still learning these things, so please give me grace. 

3.) There's a difference in living for each day v.s. being circumstantial. As a Christian and to other Christians reading this, we are called to be content in every situation (Philippians 4).Yep, life sucks sometimes but I will tell you how blessed and thankful I am to have known Christ at a young age. I am so thankful that whether in plenty or without anything- Christ is always with me. This world is depressing. People are constantly unsatisfied with coffee, traffic, busses, time, work, their bodies, situations, people, relationships, life stages ect. I do this too, we all have our struggles. 

In Ecclesiastes 12:1 it says to "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near when you will say, 'I have no delight in them." In another translation it says not to let the excitement of your youth cause you forget your Creator. 

I have things good. I say this not to be boastful but because in the midst of both hard situations and times of joy we are called to remember our Creator and all he has done for us. I have a great family to go home too, a wonderful endearing boyfriend, I have a job, a community that supports me, a room, food, blankets, a laptop, toothpaste, glasses, clothing, even an extra bike. I am truly blessed. 

So my encouragement to you today is to remember your Creator. He hasn't forgotten you and if you seek him you will find him if you seek him with all your heart (Jeremiah 29:13).

"For this reason we toil and strive, because we have our hope set on the living God, who is the Savior of all people."- 1 Timothy 4:10

Gap Year- Week 1

Dear Friends and family,

As some of you may have already heard, I am not doing YWAM. Typically, I'm the type of person who likes to have my ducks in a row, but everyday I'm learning that I cannot trust myself with my life details, but instead I am learning to trust God. 

Let’s backtrack to the beginning of July; I met with one of my professors from last year for some coffee. Paul Hurkman, who I dearly admire, told me that because of my love of biking and running and my heart for social justice, I should consider being a part of Venture Expeditions . After that conversation, something felt uneasy about YWAM, yet I couldn't identify why. 

That night I spent praying about Venture and YWAM. As much as I wanted to go to YWAM, there was something about Venture that just made sense. When reading my Bible that night I came across 1 Timothy 4:13-16, " Do not neglect the gift which was given to you. Practice these things, devote yourself to them to see progress." 

It was like it clicked, why wouldn't I be apart of Venture? I love to bike, love running, I love people, pursuing justice, and most of all I love Jesus and living for him.  

I realize that I was the one James was calling out in the Bible, "Come, now all you who say ' today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' yet, you do not know what tomorrow will bring."

The following morning I emailed Paul. I told him Venture was the direction I felt I needed to take. No less than an hour later, YWAM emailed me to say that they were extending their outreach in Costa Rica to also go to help with the World Cup. No offense to all the soccer players but I hate soccer. In the end of the email that YWAM sent me, they told me that they were praying that I would know if this was something I should do, and if not, that God would provide something in place of it. I knew then that YWAM was not where I was going. 

I spent the next month in limbo. Paul was gone and so I wasn't able to nail down any details with Venture. I wanted to move out since I was staying in MPLS, but I didn't know where that would be. I quit my job because it was an unhealthy environment yet I didn't have any other places yet lined up to work. Thus, the entire month of August was spent not having any knowledge for the next year. In fact, James was right, I didn't know what tomorrow would bring. 

Daily I had to surrender that fact to God, knowing that He has my best interest in mind. Most days I felt confident, knowing that God had the details worked out even if I didn't.  But there were a lot of days where I became frustrated, impatient, and down.  

In the end of August, I went to a middle school camp with my church as a counselor. It was around this time when most of the kids my age were beginning to pack up their cars for college. The theme for camp was from 1 Peter 2:11, "I urge you as aliens and strangers in the world..." and ironically that was exactly how I felt, like an alien. 

Middle school, I realized, was a really awkward time and this verse really pertains to them. However, the theme for the week stuck with me just as much as it did with our kids. The speaker was awesome and took a lot of pride in who she was as a person- she was strong physically, bubbly, loud, cooky, and odd- because that was how God made her. She said, "We may not fit the mold, but we should be exactly who God created us to be." 

There are three main things we put our values in: Performance, Relationships, and Appearance. We get critiqued and graded our whole lives. We do our best to please others. We are busy and doing things and for some of us, we find that our titles, grades, time spent, achievements, and status defines us. For others, the friends and people we surround ourselves with is where we find our acceptance of ourselves. God created us to be in relationships with people but Christ should be our focus. And for many of us, our appearance can sometimes take over our identity. 

We will all come to a point were we discover that this life is meaningless. More and more everyday, I realize that with out Christ I have nothing to live for. This world has nothing for me. We will never be the best, people will always fail us, and our bodies will get old and in all reality, eventually our bodies will pass away and get buried in the ground. No one will care if you were an honor’s student or wore a size 4 after having twins...ect. 

It was in realizing this I became content in living each day that God gives me. That God created us to live a life of love for people, not of things or titles. There is freedom in knowing that when we fix our eyes on seeking God, he will lead us where he wants us. And for me, that meant going against what the normal 18 year old does. 

No less than a week or so after coming to this realization, it all fell into place. Paul was back and now I'm an intern (extern for legal reasons) and I'm loving it. I've never been so energized by something other than Bible Studies and cross country/running/skiing/biking related things. I think I may have found my nitch. That same week I moved into Bordertown/KPA with my friend Emily. So I am living in this house with responsibilities, chores, groceries, and rent... stepping into adulthood. And I still don't have a “job” but God has been so faithful and has provided countless babysitting, nannying, concession, painting, odd jobs; which pay my bills and keep me very content for now. 

So the moral of this story is this: 

 1.) If you plan to follow Christ with your life, don't plan out life long details. He will just go in and change it...yet it will be 10x more intended for you than what you could ever dream. 

2.) I think God is the original founder of Viva la Vida, Yolo, or carpe diem. (Psalms 90:12) (Ephesians 5:16)

3.) God is crazy awesome and He wants you to be you and to live your life in the position he has made for you.

With this gap year I would love feedback!

Did you regret going straight to college? Do you wish you had taken a gap year? How is your major influencing what you are doing now? Did you follow God down a path that you never expected could happen? What advice would you give to your 18-year-old self? Feel free to give me your feedback. I’d love it.

Miss Representation

Something needs to happen about the way the media portrays women. With summer here, I highly recommend you watch this film during your free time. It can be very exploiting at times but the statistics and facts will shock you and will change the way you filter the culture around you: Miss Representation.

"Women saying,  'I'm not a feminist' is my greatest pet peeve. Do you believe that women should be paid the same for doing the same jobs? Do you believe that women should be allowed to leave the house? Do you think that women and men both deserve equal rights? Great, then you're a feminist. People think there is something taboo about speaking up for feminism. I know for a long time that I was embarrassed to call out misogyny because I was then going to be that complaining girl who can't let it go. But the fact is, we can't let it go - not until we feel like we have been heard." 

-Lena Dunham  

To my father.

 Marque M Jensen, my father, thank you for being all that you have been in my life.

Thank you for your hard work and many jobs. Thank you for not being stagnent in life. Thank you for standing up for what is right, even if you get crap for it. Thank you for being a speaker, mentor, teacher, pastor, and friend to many. Thank you for your commitment to get jobs done. Thank you for the long hours you spend to support our family. Thank you for the positive outlook you have on life, knowing that God can bring light out of any situation.

Thank you for your appreciate of cultures. Thank you for not letting your skin color define who you are. Thank you for being too hard to label. Thank you for your respect of all people, your love, and kindness shown. Thank you for your many friends of many background and the many times they have come to share their stories to our family  Thank you for not letting history define us. Thank you for helping liberate people.

 Thank you for being a godly role model in our families life. Thank you for loving mom as Christ loves the Church. Thank you for the 30 plus years of commitment you have with her. Thank you for raising my two crazy brothers, Jared and Tyler, and for showing them what a true man is. Thank you for being the greatest grandpa to Vivvi and for caring and playing with her even after a long day of work.

 Thank you for teaching me that I can chase after my dreams and go against the current of life. Thanks for letting me join football, fly alone to Poland, and go to college young. Thanks for supporting me in all my activities and encouraging me to do my best. I also thank you for the times when I quit things or when I can't quite measure up because I know you love me just the same. I thank God for the fights that we have had because I know that in the end in has made our relationship and communication better. Thank you for letting Josh into the family and being a role model to him. Thank you for modeling to us what a God-centered relationship is.

Thank, and thanks again. I'm sorry for times when I am short with you or am stand offish. I love you so much even if I can't or don't always display it I know that I wouldn't be the girl I am today if it wasn't for having you as a father.

Thank you for writing and encouraging me to write. Thank you for running and biking and encouraging me to do the same. Thank you for speaking, encouraging me to do it as well  Thanks for going out of your comfort zone and going on adventures and which has encouraging. Thank you for being genuine, real, and intentional and giving me and many others the encouragement to be so as well.

You're the greatest, dad

&

 I thank God for you.

And They Will Move Mountains

Give me faith to move mountains

Give me the courage to speak

I desire joy and love, a flowing fountain

Humble me to reach your peek

Day after day

Help me not to fade away.

Peace, is what I’d rather pray for

So that it’s not me but it’s you that they can see more

Give me faith to move mountains

Give me the courage to speak

Why oh why Lord have I become so meek?

New friends, old friends, routines becomes the same

Why is it then that they see my face, they know me now

But they don’t call upon your name

If my identity has been lost and I was crucified with you…

Give me the faith to say that what you are doing then is true

Give me faith to move mountains

Give me the courage to speak

You’ve given me your identity

You’ve have called me daughter, one and only, unique.

You’ve given me a purpose and a reason to survive

It’s the fine print I can’t read right now

But it’s only by my faith in you that I’m still here and alive

So once again I pray

Give me faith to move mountains

And give me the courage to speak

That by being your vessel

Others can find the love that they seek

That they may know they are one and only, unique

I pray they will realize the purpose you’ve given them

And that they themselves can have faith to move mountains

And the courage to speak

The Option of a Gap Year

The push for being college ready started my freshman year. Everything at my high school seemed to promote college as the only choice us students had. The stakes were high and so was the stress. SATs, ACTs, scholarships, good grades, volunteer hours, and extra curricular actives were all motived by the push for college. During my sophomore year, my duty was to choose between taking International Baccalaureate (IB) classes or taking post secondary education classes (PSEO) for our junior and senior years.  They described IB classes as rigorous college preparatory classes, which you could receive some college credit for if taking the final test and passing.  On the other hand, PSEO classes were actual college classes where students would take the classes on a college campus. To receive college credit, you just had to pass the class with a B or A. Credit for credit. I went with option two, PSEO. I thought, why bother taking college prep classes when I can take actually college classes, receive college credits, and gain college experience all for free.

Junior year; exploring the world of PSEO.   I turned myself into my own guinea pig, by stepping foot onto the University of Minnesota’s campus as a 16 year old. I took my morning classes at the University and my afternoon classes at Washburn. In the evenings, I had sports. I learned a lot in that first semester. I learned I hated Poli Sci and I never want to memorize another Supreme Court decision ever again. I learned that I did not want to attend a college with a population more than 5,000, where I feel like just a number.  I discovered my love of sociology. But the most importantly I learned that college itself is freeing. There is more time, independence and a lot of maturing that goes on during those years. I noticed a mix of kids though,  some knew exactly what they were there for while others were only attending because their parents made them. The kids who were there by their own choosing were wise with their time and highly self motivated because it’s what they wanted for themselves. The kids there because they felt obligated, slacked in their classes, were all over the board with their majors, and spent their free time out at parties. When one of my friends, Emily, came back from partipating with Youth with a Mission (YWAM) during the end of my junior year, I started to sense that going directly to college wasn’t what I wanted.  

Senior year, I transitioned to full time PSEO, meaning no classes at Washburn. I also made the switch from the U of MN to North Central University. I decided that if I was to do full time PSEO, I wanted a place with a smaller student body. My senior year was the best I could ask for. Entering my senior year, I prayed for a best friend. Two of my closest girlfriends graduated before me the previous year. I wanted a girlfriend who would challenge me spiritually, physically, and would be a friend to confide in. I was confused and slightly upset when I started planning events and the only people who were free to hang out from North Central where a group of guys. One persistently would always come to everything even when plans fell through. He was looking for a tour guide of the cities and like I said, I was looking for a best friend. Three months later the tour guide and the best friend became boyfriend and girlfriend but that is a whole different story. (Josh)  My circle of close friends has grown intentionally deeper and I am closer with my family as a result of this year. I still have felt connected to my high school by being captain of cross country and cross country skiing and being the first person in the past 6 years making it to state in skiing.

Choosing a gap year was harder than I planned it to be. However, whenever I looked into a college it just made me feel uneasy.  At times, during my senior year I began to question if YWAM was really the direction God wanted for me. The choice not to go directly to college would be to go against what our culture has set as the norm.  I was really torn. Yet, the more I prayed about it the more God gave me peace. Although it would be deviant to my culture's behavior to take a gap year, and I knew I would have to leave my family and friends as well as delay a year of college. I knew it was what I should do.

As my gap year began to unfold, it would have three main purposes; to work, serve, and mature. God provided me with the job that was on the top of my list for places to work - French MeadowBakery. I made the decision to work there until December to earn money for YWAM and for college. He also has surrounded me with a community of people to possibly live with in the fall to serve under YWAM Minnesota in uptown. YWAM starts in January where I will be living in San Juan, Costa Rica for the next 5 months. Part of the time is spent growing in my faith and understanding of the gospel and the other part is spent serving in the community. My biggest prayer for this year is that God will break my heart for what breaks his heart.  In doing this I pray that my security in him will strengthen and that I will learn to trust him in each step in my life. A verse I have found key for this year is James 4:13-15-“Come now you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’- yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’

Last Friday, I officially graduated from high school, along with completing a little over a year in college.

When talking to some friends about their college plans I wonder why some don’t choose gap years. Why is so looked down upon? So many of my friends are going to college with no idea how to pay for college along with no idea of a major or what they want to do yet they go because they feel like they should and it’s the next thing in life. I write this to encourage those who don’t feel like they want to go to college to take an intentional gap year to learn more about themselves, to save money for college or the future, to pick up a trade, or to travel. College is a good thing but I believe everything has a proper time. High schools and families I believe should be more open to a gap year and the growth of maturity it gives.

Tell me what you think. This is open for discussion. 

Articles for Gap Years: 

• 7 Questions to Ask When Considering a Gap Year 
• If Employment Game Has Changed, Who's Teaching the Rules? 
• Students Take Intentional Gap Year 

Just a daydream...

For me and many other "college" students, finals are right around the corner. And like many students studying for finals it becomes difficult to focus for exams knowing that a month long winter break is less than a week away. It's strange that the current anxieties that we students have will all vanish away in no more than 5 days (7 for others).

Everyone has to day dream a little, thus, I am to day dream about winter break. Not only am I dreaming for a white christmas but I am also dreaming to fulfill a bucket list during the 30 some days without classes.

So without further to do, Morgan's Winter Break Bucket List

1. I plan to learn to recite all the nations of the world with a little help from the Animaniacs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x88Z5txBc7w 
2.  Hopefully I will read these all these books: A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, When God Writes your Love Story, Body, Mind, and Mastery, Betsy and the Great World, Betsy's Wedding, and also (not included below) The Hobbit. We'll see how this goes...I'm not a fast reader. 
3. I hope to blog 1-2 times a week. Be watchful. 
4. Skype my international buddies: Oystein, Wanda, and Berry. 
5. Make some money. Let me know if you or someone you know needs some odd jobs taken care of! 
6. Travel to Illinois, Blue Earth, Waubun, and St. Croix. 

Please, feel free to give me any suggestions for blog entries or activities to add to my bucket list.